I am no dude // a short inspired by LOTR

Hello, my friends!

I wrote this short script many years ago, in a slightly different format. Since I won’t be making it into a video anytime soon, I’m sharing it with you now.

It’s different than most of what I usually post here, but it’s too amusing to keep it to myself. Enjoy!

(P.S. This is almost entirely inspired by the movie version of LOTR, not the books. It’s not endorsed by Peter Jackson or J.R.R. Tolkien or anyone associated with either of them. And it’s in no way intended to belittle the masterpieces of cinema and literature created by them. Just so we’re clear;)


The NAZGÛL stands by his dragon, cloak blowing dramatically in the wind, in the midst of a bloody battlefield.

NAZGÛL (to the battle in general): Hey, dudes! I challenge you to come fight me! Come on, don’t be afraid! (he gestures to ARAGORN) Aren’t you supposed to be a king or something?

ARAGORN (heroically fighting an orc): Perhaps someday I will vanquish you. But it is not this day… this day I kill your soldiers. This day I reclaim my kingdom! (he yells and hews down the orc)

NAZGÛL: Oh, no problem, dude. I completely get it. See you later… Hey, you! Yep, you, with the fancy hairdo. Wanna fight me?

LEGOLAS (about to swing off on a rope): Oh, I’m so sorry, I really wish I could, but I’ve got to kill this… um… elephant thing. Makes all the girls swoon, you know? (he is pulled up and away by the rope)

NAZGÛL: That’s totally okay, dude. No hard feelings. (he looks around for another candidate). Hey you! With the beard! I need an opponent to dramatically kill. You up for this scene?Read More »

in this tale, there is no hero // a legend

Hello, everyone! Here’s a snippet from my WIP Remnant. I’ve been working on it lately and thought I should give you a taste of it. (And if you wonder later, yes, it’s supposed to start in the middle of the story.) I hope you enjoy it!

Note: this part of the story does get a bit dark and disturbing, so if you don’t like reading about death, then don’t read on. I don’t mind if you need to skip this one (:


Once, long ago, there lived an elf who gloried in darkness. 

His name was Brasnin, and when he betrayed his kind, he was remorseless.

When he was young, he fell in love with a girl named Rene. She was beautiful and powerful, and her eyes were deep and heavy with dread and hope, for she saw the future.

They planned their lives together. She saw the shape their story would take. She saw what he would do. But she could not make herself stop loving him, and so she put her fear away and gave him her love.

One day he stood and said his vows of service. Read More »

Odysseus // a poem

Hello, readers!

I’m taking this poem down (on 3/28/2020) because I shared a LOT of material from my book Cathedral on here, and I’ve decided to keep it private until I release said book. 

If you want to read something from the book, one piece I kept up is “admission.”

I’ll announce the book’s release sometime this summer or fall! 

The stories are true,

Maya

I choose to rejoice

Today is hard.

I try to be brave, but I hide in the dark. I try to do the right thing, but I mess up. Again. I try to be good, and I fail.

I try to see the good in any of my surroundings, but I can’t.

I try and I try and I TRY but nothing’s worth it. The dark presses in on me. I can’t see the light. I can’t see anything anymore.

Where are you in all of this, God?

Where

are

You?Read More »

cathedral: dust // a story

Hello, readers!

I’m taking this story down (on 3/28/2020) because I shared a LOT of material from my book Cathedral on here, and I’ve decided to keep it private until I release said book. 

If you want to read something from the book, one piece I kept up is “admission.”

I’ll announce the book’s release sometime this summer or fall! 

The stories are true,

Maya

God is enough. Sincerely, Me

Dear fellow seeker,

Today is going to be a good day, and here’s why. Because today, you’re you. No hiding, no lying, just you.

But that’s not enough, because you know what you are? You’re a sinner. A mess. A good-for-nothing disaster who keeps on doing the wrong thing no matter how hard you try.

You know it’s wrong. You know you’re massively screwing everything up. But you just can’t stop. Read More »